On the employment form, a section was titled “Role” so I filled in “Star”.

My day started that Tuesday morning with a phone call at 8:45am from Actress Nicole. She asked, “Hey, Spike TV needs some extras for a shoot I’m on for 1000 Ways to Die. Do you want to be on TV?”

I replied, because I’ve been watching too much Tracy Morgan on 30 Rock, “OF COURSE I DO YOU IDIOT!”

Then I took a shower, handsomed myself up a bit, and took the 101-North to Van Nuys where a van meet me in a parking lot and shuttled me to the set.

The filming location was at a mansion in Studio City–the show had rented the house for the day. The shuttle dropped me off at the Producers Trailer where I filled out paperwork and was led to the Wardrobe Trailer. I changed from my usual [black shirt, cargo pants, Costa Del Mar sunglasses] to..

I walked up the steep driveway to the mansion and met up with Nicole and the other actors and actresses at the pool. There was a cooler full of drinks, of which I had two Capri Suns and a Diet Coke, and a tub of snacks, of which I eventually ate three bags of Famous Amos Cookies.

$50 and free cookies is a solid days work in my opinion–just the Ulysses S. Grant wouldn’t have been enough by itself.

1000 Ways to Die is a show that recreates unusual deaths. The scene of the day was a St. Patrick’s Day party where a young girl gets wasted with her wealthy friends. She wakes up the next morning hungover–her skin is completely green like The Hulk and Mary Kate Olson had a child. She screams, “Why am I green? I’m completely green?!”– pukes everywhere and then dies while the rest of the party people stare at and poke her in disbelief.

Here’s a photo of the party scene.

That’s Jules–she loves cameras.

This is Keno–he’s hilarious and everyone kept saying he looked like a young version of an actor whose name I forgot. Who do you think he looks like?

This actress taught me the trick of mouthing “apples and oranges” when you’re supposed to be pretending to have a conversation but not actually speak in the background of a scene. I laughed and mouthed a combination of “apples and oranges” and “I want to ____ you” during this one scene that we filmed in silence 9 times. I gave myself the tickles doing this–most people don’t realize that I make most jokes for my own enjoyment versus others. I’m just lucky people laugh at the things I say.

Then we had lunch. Chicken, vegetables, corn meal, salad, fruit–not bad. The cast and crew ate first and then the actors were invited to dine.

After lunch shot with Nicole.

During the scene where the drunk party girl wakes up, stumbles around, and pukes–she was supposed to throw up into a glass pitcher that I held. But after the second take we had to switch that prop to a green hat because I smashed the pitcher to pieces on the floor.

The actress, Kim, puked some nasty fake green vomit into a hat that I held while I made disgusted faces. They shot this scene 8 times with 8 fresh vomits from different angles until the director was happy.

Later as I was walking to the bathroom, I knocked over and broke an expensive painting off a shelf. I haven’t seen anyone as clumsy as me that day since Marion Rolland in the 2010 Winter Olympics.

My favorite part of the day was meeting all the actors and actresses–lots of folks who are new to Los Angeles just like me. Young rising performers who are looking to get by, have some fun, and survive this crazy city. Ya’ll better call me next time I can be on TV with you again.

The show 1000 Ways to Die films 3 seasons ahead of schedule so I will let you know when my scenes air in the next 2 or 3 years. Until then.. peace, love, and don’t drink alcohol on St. Paddy’s day or you’ll wake up the next morning completely green and then you’ll die.

UPDATE 4/2/2012:

I wrote this blog post in March 2011 when we filmed the episode. I wasn’t sure when the episode was going to air because they film the show so many years in advance. I’ll admit that I don’t watch the show so I had to search for the episode every couple months. For a while, I could tell that other people involved in the making of it were also searching for this particular episode because I reaped the benefits of the search traffic… this blog post was the only thing to show up in search results until it recently.

After St. Patrick’s Day 2012 (a few weeks ago) I did another search to see if it had aired. Being that it was an episode about a St. Patrick’s Day party, it seemed like a good time of year for it to be released… and it had!

Originally aired 2/29/2012, I appear in 1000 Ways to Die Season 5 Episode 10 – Locked and Low Dead. I captured the video and uploaded it to my YouTube account which gave me the error message, “We’re sorry. This video appears to be Copyrighted by Viacom Media.” How Google knew that my low-resolution version of the video was Copyrighted is amazing… Google has come a long way.

So instead of letting you view the video, I’ve taken screen shots of my scenes. After all, this is why you’re here!

1. First there’s me at the beginning of the party. Everyone’s gallivanting around wearing green and drinking champagne.

2. Someone brings out the limbo stick and the party gets crazy!

3. The next morning, everyone is passed out wasted. That’s me in the middle of the floor.

4. This girl wakes up and her skin is green. She’s like “Whaaaat?”

5. Then I wake up and I’m like “Whaaaaat?”

6. She starts puking. I’m over there now.

7. Then she goes to puke on me so I grab that hat. Those are my hands holding it up. (This is the scene where I broke the glass pitcher and we had to shut down production for 30 minutes while the crew cleaned up the broken glass. The prop was switched to a green hat.)

8. “Gross bitch!” I said. They edited that line out though.

9. Now I’m back over there on the left side of the room while she is dying.

10. Everyone’s like “Whaaaat?”

11. The End.

I enjoyed the experience but I felt cheated when my name did not appear in the credits. Nicole explained that I needed a speaking role in order to have my name listed. I wish they hadn’t edited out my “Gross bitch!” one-liner. There goes my IMDB listing!

Do you think I’m a good actor? Show me some lovin’ in the comments section below.

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