Obviously we have a cell phone thief in Myrtle Beach South Carolina

Team Adventure in Myrtle Beach SC

I rang Becca’s phone every minute for a full hour and still nothing. With my Motorola Droid to my ear, I walked through Donny’s Bar in Myrtle Beach, SC staring at bar patrons hoping to catch the culprit’s pocket buzzing or an LED illuminating.

Becca’s phone was stolen at around 6:00am. I saw her sending a text message as I went to the bathroom, but when I came back I found her searching for her phone. She put her BlackBerry down for just a minute right next to her, looked the other way, and someone snatched it up.

The rest of this story is about how we got it back.

* * * * *

I hate Myrtle Beach–it’s a disgusting town full of some of the sleaziest people I’ve ever come across in America. (No offense to my friends Andrea and Becca.. they are transplants to that city due to work.) Myrtle Beach is now in the same category to me as Mexico called “places to never visit again.”

I can’t say the night wasn’t fun though–I’m a fan of all adventure. I love doing new things and being in situations that I wouldn’t normally be found in. This night was a perfect example.

* * * * *

I met up with the girls at 2am at Andrea’s hotel. She is currently in between moving from one house to another. I had never met Becca before but she was cool from the introduction.

“Holy crap Andrea!” I say. She had just gotten off her shift at the club she works at and had a very tiny revealing outfit on. “Did you get a boob job since I saw you last?”

“No..” she says, “But thank you!!”

The three of us have a couple beers during the next hour and I think to myself, “I wonder where this night is going? I arrived pretty late.”

That question was answered quickly when the ladies started getting ready to go out. Turns out that in Myrtle Beach you can drink ALL THE TIME.

The first club we went to was slow (it was 3am) and reminded me of a Hickory Farms store because of all the sausage. There was immediately drama when we entered the door.

Angelina from Jersey Shore

Angelina from Jersey Shore was there and some thugs were trying to cause trouble with her security guard.

Once the drama settled down I walk up to Angelina and I say, “Hey, I hear you’re kind of famous too.”

She looks at me like I’m a piece of $&?# and doesn’t respond.

Her friend says to me, “That’s Angelina from Jersey Shore.”

I say, “What’s that? Is that like Real World or something?”

My lack of interest in her friend’s pseudo-celebrity hood simultaneously ended the conversation.

The next stop was a strip club. I hadn’t been to a strip club since Thailand years ago. Before that, my first experience at a strip club was in New York City when I was 19 years old, about to leave for Israel. In the club, a stripper comes up and asks, “Do you want a lap dance?” I say, “Hell yeah!” so she puts a cloth on my lap as if I’m going to bust one over her worthless 45 second dance. When she’s done she says, “That’s 20 dollars.”

I said, “20 dollars?! I don’t have 20 dollars.”

“Well those guys (points to the bouncer) won’t like hearing that very much.”

Suddenly I had $20.

That was the last time I ever wanted to go to a strip club. I’m not a fan of ladies wanting me for my big thick wallet.

But this night was different because I was on an adventure and following the lead of my hosts in Myrtle Beach. It’s 4:30am and I’m drinking a Yuengling at the bar staring at a football game on the television.

A topless stripper comes up to say hello to Andrea. I look at her then look away. “Aww,” she says… “he’s too embarrassed to look at me. It’s okay sweetie.” The truth was that I was too disgusted. I stared at the football game as if I’ve ever followed football in my life.

The same group of people from the previous club with Angelina start to filter through the door so we say our goodbyes.

The third place we visit is Donny’s–the bar where the incident occurs. I’m exhausted by 5:30am and can’t believe this town is still getting wasted.

Imagine that scene in a club at 1:45am where everyone is drunk and scrambling around to find a girl to go home with last minute–it’s that but the 5:30am version. Reminded me of that Daniel Tosh joke where he says he’s going to move daylight savings time up by 5 hours so that when you leave the club it’s daytime and you can look at the girl you’re with and go “Nooooo thank you.”

Becca had her phone stolen about a half hour after we arrived.

To hear the rest of this thrilling story, watch the video below.

I can’t believe how dumb some criminals are. The idiocracy of this individual we were dealing with prompted me to make one more video. Watch this one below.